A Quick, Admittedly Impressionistic, Cheat-Sheet on where the Presidential Candidates Stand


Bernie Sanders: Federalize everything (e.g. healthcare, local policing, community college), immediately.
Hillary Clinton: Overload existing government structures until they don’t work anymore. Then Federalize their function. Maybe local policing needs to be Federalized right away.
Jeb Bush, John Kasich: Manage existing government structures really well. Leave Federalization to the Democrats, next time they’re in office.
Donald Trump: Existing government structures will work so much better when I’m President, we won’t ever need to Federalize anything ever again. It will be huuuge.
Ben Carson: Thanks for mentioning me in your review. We don’t need to Federalize anything new.
Ted Cruz: Don’t Federalize anything new. Modify or even eliminate existing government structures like the IRS that aren’t working. (Upon reading the 2nd part sentence, some establishment Republicans begin to run around, waving their arms in panic, stepping around the Democrats who have already passed out, shouting “It can’t be done! It can’t be done!”)
Marco Rubio: Is he closer to Ted Cruz (with potentially more electoral appeal) or Jeb Bush (with potentially more electoral appeal)?

  • ShannonEntropy

    If the Candidates were cars for sale =►

    The CARSON … out of gas

    The CRUZ … *NOT* Made in the USA

    The BUSH … only moves in reverse

    The CHRISTIE … not available // drove off a bridge

    The RUBIO … sputters a lot

    The BERNIE … LOUD but fill·ups are FREE !!

    The HILLARY … a Hybrid we now call BILLARY

    The TRUMP … one giant Air Bag