Somehow the combination of Tim White’s latest investigative report and commentator Mark Steyn’s rendition of Ted Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever” drove me to my (out of tune) piano for a little fun.  I give you my new song, “Rhode Island Investigative Report.”  If you’d prefer to spare yourself the recording, lyrics are below.

Rhode Island Investigative Report

They’re at the door, camera on the stairs
Seen this before, I hope that no one cares
They got me, they got me
I guess I gotta take the stand
They got me, they got me
At least I won’t be doing time…
… ’cause it’s Rhode Island

Ain’t really wrong, whatever I have done
I get along, and I’m not the only one
They got me, they got me
Good thing the rules never apply
They got me, they got me
But this ain’t technically a crime…
… and I know a guy

They got this thing about the chumps who pay the bills
I’d say what they really want are scandals for cheap thrills
So let’s get on with this “investigative report”
Put down your iPad, kid, allow me to retort

It’s Warhol’s line, this nightly news routine
I hope that mine’s the best one that you’ve seen
They got me, they got me
Now I’m disabled from tension
They got me, they got me
At least they won’t get my pension…
… ’cause it’s Rhode Island